Shit allistic people say to autistic people (applies to people with other sensory issues, too)

goldenheartedrose:

Thought this would be an interesting thing to write up… I don’t really do videos, though I guess I could make one in the future.  

• “It’s just a phone call!”  Sure, that may be to you.  To me, it’s a social interaction that is entirely unpredictable.  I don’t know who I’ll reach on the other end.  My auditory issues make this even worse.  My anxiety kicks into full gear.  This is just… not a good thing to say.
• “Come on, we’ll get out of the house and have some fun” (usually said in regards to going to somewhere crowded or unfamiliar).  Yeah, this may be fun for people who are extroverts, but not for people like me.  Going dancing is something that I would love to do… if it were quieter with less flashy lights.  People in close proximity like that is not fun.
• “You have one job.  Clean the house. Why can’t you do it?” Well, gee, perhaps because you give vague-ass instructions.  One day, it’s enough to have certain areas clean, another day, you want it spotless.  I can’t scrub the house from top to bottom every day.  I simply don’t have the energy.  So what’s the happy medium? What do you want?
• “The TV isn’t that loud”/”you don’t really need headphones” or conversely, “why in the world do you need subtitles?”  Again, my auditory issues come into play here.  I’m both sensitive to noise and sometimes speech seems very garbled.  Subtitles/captions on TV help me to understand what’s going on.  I know they’re bothersome for some people, but overall, if it helps me not miss out on a TV show/movie you want to watch with me, isn’t that a good thing?
• “Why can’t you just look me in the eye? It’s not that big of a deal, and it makes you seem unfriendly if you don’t.”  Well, I’m sorry, but it makes me so anxious I want to throw up.  I’ve tried the trick of looking at the bridge of someone’s nose, but I can only sustain that for a short period of time.  Sorry.  
• “The water isn’t that hot/cold”.  Er, yes, it is.  My sensory filtering system doesn’t work in the same way yours does.  Something that seems like no big deal for you is a huge deal for me.  Some days, it may take me 10 minutes to get the water temperature for a shower right.  
• “You need to shower every day”.  While this is a legitimate concern in some circles (for instance, I did have to do this when I was a teacher), I don’t think it’s always necessary or helpful.  See my previous bullet point as to why sometimes this takes a lot of energy.  Even once I get in the shower, the feeling of the water spraying is just not relaxing at all.  I wish there were an easier way to get clean that didn’t involve sitting in a bathtub where I presume that there are a million germs or where I could take a shower without it squicking me out.  But so far, none has been invented.  I suffer through, but sometimes it takes a lot out of me.
• “Let’s go to the mall.”  Oh, this seems like such a simple, simple thing.  It seems like this would be no big deal at all.  But in reality? I despise the mall.  This sucks for my mom, especially, because she loves the mall.  I will go, but only when I absolutely need something I can’t get anywhere else.  I go to our local mall to play with my kids in the play area (which really is my worst nightmare; this is definitely a place to wear headphones) and to get some bubble tea (best place to get it in my little town).  I go there if I need a pair of cheap earrings or accessories, and I brave it once a year to take my kids to go see Santa.  Other than that, um, the mall is atrocious.  I cannot stand the lighting, the noise.  It seems like everything makes a noise, and while headphones help, sometimes it can be far too overwhelming.  My one exception to this is if I go to one of the stores that is attached to the mall but I don’t go inside the mall itself.  For instance, I can handle Barnes and Noble with no problem.  Same with Kohl’s and World Market.  Those are all things that are either in the mall area or directly attached to the mall, but aren’t in the mall itself.  
• “You’d look so nice with your eyebrows waxed/hair highlighted”.  Both of these things can hurt.  I was 16 when I had my hair highlighted and yanked through the cap.  I was in tears and shaking after 45 minutes of that.  I will absolutely never do that again.  Eyebrows are less of an issue, but it’s still someone touching my skin with hot wax, and the feeling is just…ick.  Most people can probably handle these things with no problem.  Oh, and this one is most definitely body policing as well, which I am not okay with.  Both of these things were said by my mother, as recently as 6 months ago.  
• “Act your age!”  This mostly was said to me when I was younger, but I still get some variation of it from time to time.  I don’t act like an “responsible” allistic, so I can get this one sometimes.
• “You should know how to do that! How do you go for 30 years and not know how to do that?”  These can be simple things, but if I was never taught how to do things, well, I’m not going to know.  Sorry, that’s how it works.  Also, if you don’t explain things in detail, I’m most certainly not going to know. 

I’m sure there are plenty more that I’ll think of.  Feel free to add your own.

• “You’re obsessed!” Frick. Really? It’s not really obsession. It’s something that really interests me and I’d like to know all facets of the thing of which I’m studying before I come to any conclusions.